Picture Below

The castle picture was taken with my cell phone. Not to bad. What amazing things you can do with something so small.

Someone built this castle near Strongstown,PA. About 7 miles from my home. Pretty neat place; but out of place for the area.  

It's late...

and I can't sleep, tried counting sheep, tried relaxing my muscles that are as tight has a shoe lace with multiple knots. Nothing helped so I'm here typing. I guess I have to many things running in my brain when I lay down idle. Like: Dads' dr. appt. in Pittsburgh on Tuesday; all the reports that I have to gather together. Other memories slip into my thoughts and I try to push them away, but they creep back. I have to try to look forward..to something more positive. Maybe a day away tomorrow. Run to town or go to a flea market..maybe thats what the Lover and I will do. Sometimes I really don't know how he puts up with my ups and downs. He never shows any anger towards me. He has never raised his voice to me in the two years we have been together. He's been a good listener to my gripes and rants. ( When he hears me that is) Well I guess I better get some of those papers together since I can't sleep. Bye for now...

It's been almost a week

since the wedding of my son and I still haven't recovered from the depression, this feeling of being totally rejected by your own child is a lesson on the heart. I have heard nothing from the son or my new daughter-in-law as of this date. I've sent e-mails and called; all go unanswered. I don't know if I personally can handle anymore hurt. Over the last two years since my ex and I split; my son and I have had the same relationship as before the split. I'm at a lost as to what has made the change in my son. I have asked him and I get no reply...it seems my world keeps sliding farther, farther away.
Soon all will be lost...

May 25, 05 sunset; what colors! 

4 day old Eastern Bluebird babies; eyes starting to open.  

The Eastern Blue Bird hatched 4 youngins; Here's one little birdie. 

One of the 4 babies out of the nest. 

Day Of Deep Emotions

My emotions have taken over me today. Not only today but all week. I cry at what should be one of the happiest day that any mother would be proud of. Today is my son's wedding...I was not invited because my ex and I haven't spoken in over two years; since the separation. My son felt that it would be best that neither of us or any member of the family be invited; except his sister. I tried to accept this; but this week was so hard. Today even worst. I can't control the shaking and the tears. The lonelyness in my heart. The lover's arms can't heal the hurt that I feel. I want to hug my son on his day and I'm not there to do this..I wanted to see him and his new bride in all their finery..feel the joy of new beginnings again. This day will haunt me forever........

Nest with 4 baby Robins; 4 bushes away from the nest with 4 eggs. 

3 eggs yesterday; 4 today!  

Mini trip

Below are pics of Pymatuning spillway that has the carp...It never fails to entertain me. The children and grown-up are in Ahhh when seeing them for the first time. One nine year old standing beside me just couldn't get enough of just watching them. He thanked his dad for bringing him and just said.
"This is the best ever,Dad." And Dad said, "Your welcome son." The eyes of this young boy and the excitement in his voice made his dad stand alittle taller; and the dad putting his arm around his young son was very touching. I'm sure that young man will remember this day for a long time..

With Father's Day fast approaching; do any bloggers have any memories they want to share in honor of their Fathers? Post in Replies or E-mail me.

Let me OUT!!! 

Carp feeding frenzy. 

Pymatuning Spillway in Linesville, PA. 

I Fear I've been gone too long

I believe that being out of the work force for two years has hindered me in finding a new job. Plus, the job market in the Christmas Tree Capital is on the decline....Both interviews went well. So I'll have to wait and see.
Off tomorrow on a mini getaway..A stay over somewhere in a cheap but clean room in the northern part of the state. I want to see the ducks on the fishs' back at Pymatuning spillway. When my son was going to college and lived in Edinboro and Erie,PA I always went out of my way to go to the spillway. Great place to take the kids and yourself for a one of kind experience with carp and ducks. The ugly, slimy prehistoric carp in the spillway cram together and await visitors to feed them. I mean there are hundreds of carp crammed in this spillway at one time. Fish on top of fish and when everyone throws food in; the feeding frenzy begins. You can actually hear the slurpping from the big lipped carp. The ducks want their share too, so they walk on the fishs' back to grab bits of food. Years ago they sold day old bread (3 loaves for a buck); now they sell pellet fish food to feed the monsters.(2 sandwich bags for a buck) But you can always take your own bread; and I plan to.To get a real creepy experience,just throw the whole loaf in at once..the carp go whacko and I promise you'll get a chill on the back of your neck from the sight and sounds before your eyes.

Bats

Bats in the belfry. Check out www.visitpa.com Find web cams on right;select number 8 and yep; it bats, and more bats. In the daytime you can see them in the attic. At night you see them coming out and flitting around. Pretty cool. Check out the other cams on the site...my favorite is the elk cam.

Crisp and Bright Day

What a beautiful Thursday. Vivid colors of green, yellow and white. I'm speaking of the lawn. You know those pesky dandelions, yea the ones that seem to know when your on the mower and all of a sudden they hide their heads..we've mowed once already this week and the dandies are a little pissed off..not only do we have yellow heads, but some have decided to turn to seed heads. So the Lover is again on the mower wacking off those yellow dandies; little white fluffings are flying in the wind. With us venturing away for the weekend to Edinboro, PA we didn't want the yellow dandies to feel that we were neglecting them while we're gone.. so off with their heads!
I have another job interview tomorrow on a Friday the 13th. Ugh!! Plus have to get the oil changed in the truck and really start thinking about selling the car. This way Father can have my space in the garage. If his car fits; I'll pull the Saturn out and he can pull in. Father announced the other day he's buying one of those car canapies to park his car under. No discussion on what I think..The only place to put this thing is out front by the turn around in the drive. Hello, Father; it my home and I have the say what's to be put in my yard...even though you're living here rent free, and we cook for you and I wash and fold your clothes; and put up with the same stories about the nursing home on a daily basis, call drs when needed, get your scripts and put up with your snide remarks about my life. I put up with you sitting in living room spilling coffee on the new furniture and the beige rug when you walk to the chair; crumbs from your cookies in the chair and your never ending slurpping when you eat at the dinner table. I'm drawing the line here... No is NO...I will not have it... If you don't like it move out; or better yet; move in with son number two. You know the one who only visits when he needs something... Let's see if your welcome there....and if SIL puts up with not having any privacy... I know that you'll never change; or even attempt a try at it..but enough is enough!!!

To my children...on Mother's Day

Dear Miss J.: I'm sorry that I didn't explain what had went on with your father and I. Then maybe; you would have understood; how I felt about the situation. Please remember; it was your father that walked out on me. I'll always be your mother. Even if you deny it. I've always loved you; and will loved you till the day I die. My wish for you is; that someday you'll forgive me; I'm not asking you to forget, just forgive me!! I miss you terribly.

Dear Mr. J.: Thanks for the card...at least you remembered. Your my first born, my son; the chubby, curly blond hair boy, with big brown eyes that twinkled with mischief. That contagious smile of yours...Be happy in new marriage. I love you so. When you stand before God and take your vows..I'll be there with you..in my heart.

You both are grown-ups; live your life as you wish. I'll be here for the both of you Always and Forever....Your Mom..

In memory of my Mother

I hope all that you suffered here on earth is just faint memory. You are with God, your parents, sisters and brothers now, and I believe that you are in peace and harmony with yourself. I miss you..Look upon your children and grandchildren; give them guideness and strenght..for the world has changed since you left. Send something my way too. ..or ask Uncle George. He'll be sure to remember his princess. Happy Mother's Day... Mom...I Love and Miss You....

Holding pattern

That's what I feel like; my life in a holding pattern; same old shit but a different day. Father's surgery has been put on hold until we see a specialist from Pittsburgh; not till the end of the month. I'm holding good hopes for a job that I interviewed on this past Tuesday. I'm hoping Mother's Day is not a complete wash out... I'm hoping to keep my promise to attend a First Holy Communion on May 15th, in Edinboro, PA for the daughter of a first cousin. Seems like we only get together for funerals not for fun stuff. I'm hoping my son's wedding goes off like he wants it too. (Only I wish he could understand what this has done to me!) Someone here, still keeps secrets that hurt...(not I) Something has to give; this pattern has to change...so I don't crash.

Spooked

If it doesn't make sense; it doesn't make sense! (so I've been told many times) We were trying to get a picture of a bird (Rose-breasted Grosbeak) that visited on Sunday morning. Never would I think that in a split second of taking the picture that out of nowhere a vision would appear in a picture. The two pictures below were taken right after each other at 9:57am. If you click on the pictures they enlarge; look closely. The first picture, looking right at the grove of trees there is no one in the picture but the bird in the cup and one on the branch that we were trying to capture. The second picture has someone in blue by one of the trees. The vision seems to be watching us; dressed in blue,head and face covered with eyes visible (like a scarf; wrapped around her head). Just standing there. When we enlarge the picture from the file, this vision (or whatever you want to call it) seems to on a bike with one foot on the ground. I Can't explain this! It really has me spooked.. The lover thinks it was a reflection from the tv onto the window; Could it be?
Or could it be a sign of something to come? I just don't know. I did have the tv on; watching the CBS Sunday morning show...but why didn't the vision show in the first picture? It only takes a blink of the eye or the shutter to snap the next picture. What can this vision mean? Only time will tell.
For right now; I'm spooked by this encounter... Can anyone help me on this?

Rose-breasted Grosbeak (male) 

This picture was taken seconds before the next one. No image; how did it appear in the next one? Has me spooked. Lover thinks it was a reflection in the window from the tv being on when the next picture was taken, but I think it was a sign of something to come. Good or bad; only time will tell. 

The person in blue appeared.