Like snow, hate the Cold

Who doesn't like fresh white prestine snow? When you look outside everything is blanketed in white and the untouched snow is a fresh start to the day. Then after that first cup of coffee and reality sets in the snow starts to take on a different meaning...you have to shovel...put air in the tractor tire again (meant to fix that last fall) and plow the driveway, shovel the paths to the feeders. By this time I'm on the second cup of coffee and the Lover is doing the snow thing.
Not that I wouldn't do it...he likes plowing snow (I think he likes it); and why spoil someone elses fun. This gives the Lover time to be alone...and a little time for me. Were together all the time; its good for both of us to be out of sight of each other.
Now that my Father has moved in; I have noticed a change in both the Lover and I. I'm in the middle (again) between two men that I love and care for. I'm beginning to get stressed and I'm feeling abit used. Father doesn't get it...the Lover doesn't get it ....being in the middle isn't fun. I find myself on edge when my father comes home...the lover doesn't talk much to my father ( I know the lover doesn't care to much for my father) so I'm the buffer..Lover has different views on my father living here. So do I. I don't know much about the lover's family. All I know is: his parents are deceased; has 3 brothers; an ex-wife, 4 grown children, and an ex-lover. The only one I've met is the ex-lover. We've been together for two years and I don't think he's told anybody about me. He must think I'm not worthy or good enough for his family. Sometimes I feel so darn unloved and lost that I could chuck it all and leave...start a new life somewhere, where I know all the mistakes before they happen and I'm part of someone's life and not a shadow of someone elses...
I know in my heart I can't leave yet; even though I'd like to. I'll just plug away in this little town that I call home for now. And maybe tomorrow the fresh snow will bring a new beginning............