No place to hide...

No place run to; no safety net to fall into.....I feel used and violated and very lonely. Even though Father and the Lover are here; Father still has his shell of a woman; and the Lover has his first woman...maybe not right now; but I'm pretty sure in the future he will...I'm giving up...I feel the difference in our relationship my Lover since Christmas. I guess I can't blame you for trying to get back what you lost years ago..Most people do miss what they had after the fact and sometimes its to late. The grass isn't greener on the otherside; is it? Only seems that way in the beginning....then it starts to change color.
I do blame you lover for not being honest with me..Like: when the last visit up north and you dropping me off at the casino on the last night there; and you were to pick me up in two hours; not 4 hours later. But I guess you had to attend to your first love..Did you think I didn't know? You always said I don't say what I mean; but I'm saying this. I want to thank you for hurting me; this means I'm alive and I can feel and I can hope...What about you? What do you want? Tell me!! Has this been your plan from the beginning? (use her and then lose her) You are not my slave and I'm not your captor...remember those words..you used them to describe your being here with me..to someone.
The joke has been on me..has been it seems since the beginning of this relationship.(am I right?) I guess I know now how your ex felt when you did it to her...Lover you don't always say what you mean either. You tend to hide things.. But I sense somehow that your hiding more from me.
Lover what do we do now; where do we go from here? Talk; come clean about what's on our mind? You decide? You can't have it both ways. Make your mind up as to what you want? I deserve at least this much from you..because I have no place to hide; no place to run to; no safely net to fall into...I have nothing....left to give...