I lie awake

I lie awake listening to the rain. Toss and turn, a tear trickles down my cheek. Sleep does not come to me tonight; no words of love, a touch of an hand does not help me...I slip from the bed to the computer room. The floor still creaks and I fumble for the lamp...to type again. I have such a hard time saying what I mean..this comes from years of holding back my emotions..I always go with the flow; thru good and bad times. I never used to cry in front of someone, I cried when I was alone. I was the one to make decisions (not my choice) so I always had to be strong. Even when my marriage failed after 30 yrs. I didn't cry; I didn't feel the lost. I had to be strong. I had to take care of father and make decisions for him..put myself aside again and then the cycle repeats again... It seems I have no place in the hearts of the men who dwell with me...as another tear trickles down my cheek I wait for tomorrow....